Sex

Is cybersex a sexual encounter? If you discover that your partner engages in it, is he/she cheating on you?

I can't comment on Alan Soble's intriguing suggestion that one can have sex by taking up a philosophical position (can one become a philosopher by taking up a sexual position?), but I would like to suggest that anyone who doubts that "virtual sex" is a kind of having sex view the excellent and hilarious film The Truth About Cats and Dogs . Look for the scene where Janeane Garofalo has a "conversation" with her new client. And watch it at home, preferably with someone you like to do philosophy with, if you see what I mean.

Hello, I hope you bear with my question despite its Jerry Springer-like context. My boyfriend tells me he has occasional sex with other women in a way that “doesn’t change anything between us.” We’re in a long-distance relationship that is also new, and so far he has demonstrated his loyalty to me whenever another woman advances a claim on him in my presence. I find it impossible to find a rational objection to his having sex with others in such a situation because in substance, if not form, fidelity seems to be present. Yet I am bothered tremendously by his having sex with others. Though promiscuity while being in a relationship is an old and frequently arising issue, in my experience people increasingly seek to deal with it through “full disclosure” that is supposed to enable us to grant or withdraw consent to such an arrangement. The merits of such an approach are realism and honesty, and my particular situation seems to be the scenario in which consent cannot be rationally denied. So how can I make...

Human sexuality is complex and unpredictable. In particular, it's hard to know what effect the initiation of a sexual relationship is going to have on a person's emotional connections -- to the new sexual partner, or to others. Some people seem capable of having casual sexual relationships without forming any lasting romantic attachments, while other people seem incapable of forming a sexual relationship unless they have some antecedent emotional connection with the prospective partner. Some people feel that the physical intimacy inherent in sexual congress is necessarily self-revelatory and thus intimate in non-physical ways as well; others feel that the physical intimacy of sex need be no more personally "meaningful" than that inherent in a good massage. I don't see that any of these reactions or attitudes is more "ethical" than any other -- they are matters on which reasonable people are probably always going to differ. Given all that, I think it's up to individuals to reach agreement...
Sex

In relation to sex, when is it considered permissible to gives oneself to another? If what one is waiting for is love, then why does a piece of paper stating marriage have to stop a person from connecting himself/herself with his/her love physically and spiritually? A piece of paper will not stop a breakup. If this is all true, then why does the dilemma of if to have sex or not plague one's mind?

There are two facts about sex that have made its regulation a matter of importance to human beings: first, that it is an extremely powerful motivator. People typically want to have it a lot -- and I mean both that they want it a lot, and that they want a lot of it. Because sexual desire is so powerful, it can override lots of other desires, as well as lots of considerations that ought to count against giving in to the desire in the first place. The second fact is that the consequences of having sex can be weighty. There is not only the fact that pregnancy can occur, although the conception of another human being is certainly a matter of paramount importance to human society. There is also the fact that sexual behavior can generate or sustain powerful emotional responses. When all goes well, sex can bolster meaningful and sustaining connections between people, but when things go wrong, disasters can result. Unreciprocated love causes terrible unhappiness, and jealousy can lead to violence. ...